Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
