So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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