You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
please come you make the beer taste better
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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