guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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