also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
