Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
