new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
