dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
