My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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