I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
false alarm, still single
Randomize
