You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
