Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
