Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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