I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In other news, I just burned my penis
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
