He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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