im drinking this country out of the recession.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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