I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
