the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
