if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Come on in and take your pants off
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