And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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