I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
