just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
