It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
