Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
