and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
