I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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