he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
