Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
