i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
