I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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