i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They took my balls.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
