So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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