Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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