yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
