Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize