get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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