I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
