No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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