Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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