Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
