sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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