Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
