I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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