the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
