Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
4 words: hood of his car
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
