If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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