I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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