My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
