I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
