A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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