So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A bitchslap is in order.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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