Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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