There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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