I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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