Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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