see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
