My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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