..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
